あけましておめでとうございます！
its midnight in japan now. and thoughts of the entire johnny's family running around in tokyo dome are flooding my head~
especially since it's the first time in years i will be counting down to the new year at home, in front of my beloved laptop.
i never had a habit of making new year resolutions. when you set expectations that aren't fufilled at the end of the day, you end up feeling disappointed and somehow shortchanged.
oh yes, apathy should be the emotion for the year. only that, sometimes things don't work out that way.
you can tell it's not shaping up to a terrific night isn't it?
almost the end of the year.
2005 has flashed by, and a tumultous year it was. the one in which i gained the most insights about things not taught in books, especially. rediscovered old friendships and lost quite many along the way, including the one whom i thought would always be there for me.
there may not be another who can replace him for some time, but i'm grateful enough that there are people who show they actually care, even if they don't. or those who care, but don't show they do.
of course there are the happy moments which i will cherish in times ahead. they will serve as my inspiration and cheer me up whenever i need it =)
after all this,
hopefully i'll be more in control of my life and be clearer of the path i'll be heading towards in the future.
i'll be 21 next year anyway; the year which marks the start of adulthood.
so.. this song best sums up the year: friendship, youth and dreams about the future :)
(and is the top seller in japan for year 2005)
青春アミゴ
なり響いた 携帯電話 嫌な予感が胸をよぎる
冷静になれよ ミ・アミゴ
情けないぜ 助けてくれ 例の奴等に 追われてるんだ
もう ダメかもしれない ミ・アミゴ
２人の裂くように 電話が切れた
SI 俺達はいつでも ２人で１つだった
地元じゃ 負けしらず そうだろ
SI 俺達は昔から この街に憧れて 信じて生きてきた
なぜだろう 思い出した 景色は
旅立つ日の綺麗なそら 抱きしめて
辿り着いた 暗いの地裏 しゃがみこんだ あいつがいた
間に合わなかった ごめんな
やられちまった あの日交わした 例の約束 守れないけど
お前が来てくれて 嬉しいよ
震えの手の平の 強く握った
SI 俺達はあの頃 辿り着いたこの街
全てが手に入る 気がした
SI 故郷を捨て去り でかい夢を追いかけ 笑って生きてきた
これからも 変わることない 未来を
２人で追いかけられると 夢見てた
SI 俺達はいつでも ２人で１つだった
地元じゃ 負けしらず そうだろ
SI 俺達は昔から この街に憧れて 信じて生きてきた
なぜだろう 思い出した 景色は
旅立つ日の綺麗なそら 抱きしめて
- 修二と彰 (2005)
*
2006の願い: なにをしてても幸せと思えるならいいです~
i still think something has to be done about STARS.
got all my preferred slots the first time round (fast fingers!) but everyone else didn't get a single one! except rina, who got two.
so had to change my entire timetable to fit in the rest. have to put up with 830 lessons on monday morning and lessons that end at 630 from tuesday to friday, but i'm content enough there's somebody i know personally in every single class. my timetable actually looks quite empty :P
and i'm taking the challenge of a fourth language: french.
hah. should be quite interesting i hope :)
-
last show right now! at nagoya dome.
お疲れ様でした！ ^__________^
quotes:
from inocchi-
i won't get embarrassed looking at pictures of myself from way back, although some are too weird for words. as long as at that time you think you looked cool for your liking, it doesn't matter; it shows the changing of mindsets.
from tsuyoshi domoto-
if at age 20 you still care too much about how people judge or view you and worry yourself over it, wouldn't living simply be a chore?
*
i think too much.
-
every year for the past three(?) years, the vjc class has met for christmas gift exchange on the 26th december. yesterday was no exception.
we did what i pretty much expected although taboo and charades were totally out of the blue. though i think pacific coffee in raffles link is going to end up as the s24 place.
xinen got my chipmunk and i got a green creature which was supposed to be a baby tortoise from hong; only thing was, the shell was non-existent.
nevertheless.. thanks =)
my entries are all so long.
i sound like a rambling old woman. bleah.
christmas doesn't feel like christmas anymore.
save for the throngs of people in the shopping district.
met up with the anderson girls for our yearly gift exchange at 3pm. weird time to accomodate seven out of eight girls =)
we were only missing laypeng who is in china for the umpteenth time. so seven of us, ying, ning, qing, ling, rene, jo and me, plus jo's gary squeezed into a sofa seat at pacific coffee to exchange gifts and catch up.
i got a cd case from ning! and a pooh huggie for qing.
about us...
we formed ourselves into a group in sec3 in year 2000. it's been almost six years and its quite miraculous that the eight of us still meet at least eight times a year =P
used to think i didn't fit in back then, since i wasn't into the type of stuff they were into.
low belts. sharp combs. long wallets. high socks. street fashion at fareast. mediacorp tv. F4 and nicholas tse. you get the point.
but now when everyone has more or less comfortably settled into tertiary education, such differences make less of an issue, methinks. i can talk more easily now and won't have to think hard about common topics since those that surface now are usually non school related stuff.
all in all, i'm happy that all of us are still together and we are still planning how to celebrate everyone's 21st next year!
and if all goes well, i might be heading overseas in early may with the vjc gang, late july with the anderson gang and exchange from august to the end of the year for 2006.
sounds good? you bet =)
i had a great time today!
merry christmas everyone! hope you all enjoyed yourself as much as i did~
i feel strangely euphoric.
i've decided to apply for overseas exchange for the july-december 2006 period. after much thought and consideration.
and i've got full support from my parents who even said if i decided to take flight after completing my degree, they were okay with it. including non-objection for the little sister who wishes to do her pupilege in UK and has intention of staying on there if she manages to.
seriously, with these parents, who needs family friction?
but for now, it is still oxygen sapping; who knows what may happen next year?
V6 concert reports are LOVE!!
still stinging from the fact that i missed out on this, but oh well, there are still the DVDs! XD
aside from this, bucchake, spent yesterday at sentosa with the gang playing in the sea (pity there wasn't alot of sun), sakae buffet after that followed by a very late ktv session in cuppage plaza. hosted xinen at my house for the night where we simply slacked and crapped as always...
shopping today. and it was one of those trips that could go on and on if money wasn't in limited supply.
were shopping from 1pm to 9pm with dinner thrown in somewhere and we only covered lucky plaza, paragon and centrepoint (!!!) i think it might have gone on till ALL the shops were closed if not for yours truly who was saddled with all the shopping bags for the day and therefore tired to the point where she couldn't walk around anymore, -.-"
shopping again tomorrow! (argh.)
presents for gift exchanges to get, buffet with the parental units and christmas rally that ends at 2230 to attend.
dead beat.
List 10 of your friends (any gender) below:
(in random order)
1. xinen
2. wj
3. melvin
4. liz
5. hong
6. bear
7. laypeng
8. joanna
9. ying
10. shimei
Now Answer The Questions Below Referring To The Friends You Listed Above.
How long have you known 1? four years.
Have you been to 8's house? yes.
Do you like 6? erm, i don't know now.
Are 4 and 10 friends? no.
Have you been to 3's house? nope.
Would you ever live with 5? if i had to, but i see no reason why.
When was the last time you talked to 4? i just sent her a message, and she isn't replying.
Would 1 and 6 make a good couple? they would make a terrible couple.
How about 8 and 10? slightly better, but almost just as bad.
Have you ever dreamt about 2? err no.
Have you ever slept with 9? no.
Is 7 attractive? in a way, yes.
Do you love 4? (!!) that'll make me lesbian!
Would you ever cuddle with 1? hah, if i really turn lesbian. hahahaha.
Would you ever kiss 3? hmmmmm... if i really HAD to.
What do you like best about 6? his ability to craft anything with his hands.
Have you ever had a crush on 1, 3, 5, 7, or 9? 4 out of 5 are girls. and 3, no.
Do you ever wish you never met 3? why would i think so?
How did you meet 5? same jc class.
Has 2 seen you naked? nah.
Have you seen 2 naked? no.
Who is taller? 5 or 10? 5.
Have you met 4's family? no.
Would you ever go out with 3? why not?
Do you think 7 is funny? yes. haha.
What about 6? yes.
Where was the last place you went with 1? shopping in town, then tampines to slack.
When was the last time you hung out with 2? sentosa last friday, with 3 and 4.
Where do you want to take 3? nowhere in particular.
When do you want to see 4? i will see her tomorrow, i think.
Would 5 and 6 make a good couple? better than 1/6 haha.
Have 7 and 8 ever kissed? i don't know! haha.
Would 9 or 10 ever live together? nah, they don't even know each other. and 10 would piss 9 off.
Would you let 3 have your baby? (!!) what a question.. no =P
Have you ever told 1 a deep dark secret? how about half of it?
Has 1 ever told you a secret? ask her.
Would you runaway with 6? yes.
Who was the last person 9 kissed? i really don't know man.
Who was the last person 7 hugged? her boyfriend.
What word or phrase does 5 say alot? "nooooooo"
Does 6 make you laugh? almost all the time.
Does 2 ever annoy you? yes! haha :P
When did you last call 4? a week ago.
Do you ever talk to 3 online? once.
What about 2? yes.
Does 10 smell bad? no.
Does 1 smell nice? normal i guess...
Are 1 and 8 friends? no, but they are my best friends from jc and secondary respectively. and if you are interested, 10 is my bestie from primary school.
i know better now than to wear my emotions on my face, like how i did very obviously in the j1/j2 period. acted very bratty then, and made everyone put up with my temperaments. but thankfully they stuck it out with me :)
gomen ne~
keeping emotions to yourself may be the fastest way to depression, but sometimes it can really save your neck. like how ______ happened.
i guess that's why people actually blog isn't it? they can't vent their greivances on anybody so might as well just take it out on invisible audiences just to make themselves feel better.
contrary to what somebody said, the downside to blogging does not only make you remember things you don't want to. while recalling those things, it makes you treasure the good even more no?
maybe that's the reason why i blog as well.
that is also why if people i see in daily life were to read this eventually, i'd rather not talk about most things i write in here. after all, if i'd wanted to tell people, i would have told them in their faces.
being around friends generally makes me happy and sometimes i look like the happiest girl on earth. but that doesn't mean i don't have dark thoughts at the back of my head. rather, they are most likely to surface in solitude (?)
and it's also fascinating how a single variety show can transform me into a high-tension girl laughing her head off in front of a computer screen.
yes, my mood swings from being high one moment to internally depressed the next.
go figure.
-
so yesterday-
was a huge rollercoaster ride of emotions.
you shouldn't have forced me to turn up if you were going to end up saying things that sent the glimmer of hope i had beyond our reach. maybe i was unreasonable, maybe i wasn't trying to understand. but can you try understanding for once?
okay, whether you actually read the above makes no difference so i shall not say more.
shopping with chris later. and i didn't know carrying a club21 carrier around could garner so many looks. at least that was what chris said.
so.. my results aren't worth having suicidal thoughts over, nor are they anything to be proud of, really. felt strangely numb/neutral and actually blanked out at the screen for a few moments. let's just say it met my bare expectations, but i actually wanted... more.
it really sucks to know your efforts aren't rewarded.
S24 chalet for two days at east coast which was mostly occupied by mahjong, a deck of cards and a bottle of johnnie walker whisky. i hate to think of how much liver damage resulted from those two nights.
followed by a random and impulsive day that took us from the east coast chalet to harbourfront for dimsum to sentosa for a tan in melvin's car then somewhere in old upper thomson for prata before ending up at yishun safra for bowling.
but it was fun :)
shopping yesterday ended with a long chat at the lobby of a place called abacus plaza. before that, we were bored with orchard and intended to do something on impulse (again) but... yeah, ended up at abacus plaza till almost midnight. -nods-
some things got put into perspective. but there's still this dark feeling deep down inside. and i've come to realise its not that much of loneliness, regret or resentment. rather, it's mostly self reproach.
says alot aye?
but you know who you are. thanks for keeping me company last night. it really put me in a better mood, if it wasn't already apparent :P
i can best express myself in words.
but somehow they have failed me now.
this year was almost like a huge johnny's gathering.
matchy, hiromi go, tokio, kinki kids, V6 and arashi turned up and i expect they created quite a racket. from all the cheering of their senpais who did a medley each.
go hiromi was damn cute (!) considering he is my dad's age.
and matchy was cool as well. ahh why didn't i know them when they were active in the scene and getting all their #1's??
nah, i wasn't even born yet, so to speak -______-
V6 performed music for the people and orange. but i thought their dancing was a little uncoordinated (!!) but nevertheless they had the support of ALL their jimusho members who were cheering like nobody's business =P
inocchi: =X damn damn cute XD
okada: pretty and cool as always.
leader: ahh he's getting better and better looking (!)
okay.. maybe i really have something for older men O.O
considering inocchi is 29, leader (sakamoto) is 34, matchy is 41 and hiromi go is 50 (!!!!!)
enjoyed myself these three days :)
movie outing with S24, dinner at fish&co and drinks at indochine on wednesday. mahjong and bridge at liz's house before slacking further at icecube in serangoon gardens on thursday. shopping and movie with chris today.
that kind of sums up what i've been doing.
which means i'm very broke.
shall stay home during the weekend to catch up on sleep and novels. i'm supposed to be on antibiotics as well. good excuse to rewatch the entire year's worth of gakkou e ikou (!) i miss their crappiness.
okay, this has been a meaningless entry which took all of three minutes to write.
shall go off to indulge in some mindless humour :)
blogger was down this morning.
alot of people going for zouk events.
i guess i shall just relax at home instead of squeezing through crowds, getting my ears blasted with way-too-loud music and smelling like cigarette smoke and occassionally, alcohol when i get back.
yesterday was my mom's 44th birthday so.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
suntec's porridge buffet was good. for $9.80 per person, well worth it as well.
shopping with xinen later in the day and got 'nagged' for not liking clothes shopping :( but i enjoyed myself, despite only watching her shop :)
and we managed to organise a mini class outing for tomorrow!! wahh, feat for us both man. despite very delayed replies and conflicting schedules.
although it was an emotionally screwed night, JLPT turned out to be very easy :)
first time at the japanese school in changi and there were lots of people! even saw students wearing the anderson uniform. only students taking the level 4 and 1 tests were there. i think those taking level 2 and 3 were housed somewhere else.
so we had our tests in classrooms. since it was a primary school, the tables were bloody small and low. and the chairs were those perfectly flat wooden ones which were a torture to sit on, especially for the fifty-minute section :(
and we weren't allowed to wear shoes into the classroom, which made for freezing toes at the end.
met laypeng between breaks to catch up and kao bei, as she says. nus offers the language up to level 1! argh.
saw my aunt too! surprised me alot. i thought i was the only one in the family interested in the language hmm..
a visit paid by inocchi and leader to a japanese high school cheerleader team who is ranked third in the world...
learning a new language is difficult.
i have never been able to fully appreciate the phrase till recently, when i started cramming for BOTH level three and four.
quite confident for level four but there are some things that i had to learn on my own, and i don't know whether i covered everything that is testable. the joys of not having formal education in the subject. but i just need a pass; they are not going to release raw scores anyway.
level three is proving very challenging, when all i have is a grammar guidebook, a vocabulary list downloaded from some website and my japanese tv.
when will 8th december come?
i need my class schedules for next semester to plan everything!